Dr. Dobb's Journal February 2004
Sun "Scooter" Microsystems has grown older but hasn't grown up. Even with $5.5 billion dangling out of his pocket his aging fratboy geek image isn't exactly getting customers lined up to date him. "The network is the computer" seemed prescient in the eighties, but this is the naughties, and it's time to say goodbye to HotJava and the color purple. Bruce and Arnie's Mission: to transform a style-deficient and clue-seeking tech company from drab to fab.
Problem areas: He recently laid off one employee in 35; he's bleeding red ink; if you take away the letter J, his offerings have no theme at all; his best product, Java, is as popular as Apple's music store and, unfortunately, just as profitable; and what business is he in, anyway?; "J2EE will either [get easier] or it will [become] the Latin of computer languages."—his ex-girlfriend.
Bruce: "Before we bring out the knives, I just want to say how brave you are to submit yourself to this makeover."
Arnie: "You'll be a better company for it."
Sun: "Well, I hope so. But how about my product line? I think I've got a pretty studly lineup, don't you?"
Bruce: "Ouch. Did you say 'dud-ly'?"
Arnie: "Or 'thud-ly'?"
Bruce: "Sun, you need to go through your refrigerator and check the expiration dates."
Sun: "I guess so. It's confusing, though. I still think Solaris is neat, but then Linux is really hot, you know?"
Arnie: "Listen to me: Do not be afraid to mix and match."
Bruce: "That's right. The layered look is fabulous. A tailored effect here with Solaris, a casual touch there with Linux, and you've got a product line that will have them queuing up behind a velvet rope to touch the hem of your cape."
Arnie: "He's not serious about the cape."
Bruce: "Just remember, you don't have to look flat and colorless just because you're shallow."
Sun: "Okay, I'm writing that down. Now, I'm kinda confused about server hardware."
Arnie: "I have one word for you: Blades."
Bruce: "And he doesn't mean roller blades."
Arnie: "I did, actually."
Sun: "Yeah, but how about the Intel thing? I mean, I kinda dig AMD, but I've got this ongoing thing with Sparc..."
Bruce: "Remember your mantra: The outside is always bigger than the inside. In the long run, open always trumps closed."
Arnie: "Repeat after me: NIH was not invented here."
Bruce: "And the word 'future' is spelled with an 86."
Arnie: "Is there still a Sparc or is it just embers?"
Sun: "I think I get the idea. Oh, did you notice my bold move in revamping JavaBeans?"
Arnie: "Okay, I get the Java motif. But just because Americans love coffee and refried beans, that doesn't mean that they love refried coffee beans, I'm sorry."
Bruce: "Ignore him. He's going through a literal phase. But the thing that says 'Sun' to me is JSC. JSC draws the eye to your best feature."
Sun: "Which is?"
Bruce: "Your Java. Hello? Didn't you just make James Javaboy Gosling your Chief Making People Forget about Bill Joy Officer?"
Sun: "Oh, right."
Bruce: "But you've got to speed up the standards process if you don't want the other guy to steal your gal."
Sun: "Standards, right. Um, another thing I'm trying to get a handle on is utility computing."
Bruce: "No, no, no. Utility computing is the disco of the naughties."
Arnie: "I call it 'futility computing.'"
Bruce: "Only losers rent."
Sun: "But what about the idea that the Net is the new infrastructure of computing?"
Arnie: "It's true, if you don't look after your infrastructure, it could lead to chafing."
Bruce: "And good call, by the way, on hiding your RFID research operation in Scotland. If protesters start picketing your facility, who'll know?"
Sun: "Thanks. I was wondering about the whole post-PC thing. What's your call on that?"
Arnie: "One word: accessorize."
Bruce: "So, summing up: Java good, utility computing bad, JCP slow, Beans bloating, Sparc sputtering, Linux and x86 hot, Solaris okay for the layered look, openness and clarity desirable but missing."
Arnie: "And get yourself some blades."
Bruce: "Last word? When it comes to financials, you can't go wrong with basic black."
Michael Swaine
editor-at-large
mike@swaine.com