Dr. Dobb's Journal March 2003
Since Nancy and I moved to Oregon, bought an organic farm, and opened a restaurant, I hadn't seen much of my cousin Corbett. I was almost glad when he dropped in unexpectedly the other day to ask if he could borrow our tractor. Almost.
"I need the Kubota to clear some ground for my new corporate headquarters," he told me as he absent-mindedly fingered the remote control, alternately opening and closing my office skylight. "I'll have it back in a few days."
"Why don't you have lunch in the restaurant," I suggested, grabbing the remote. "We can talk after I finish writing my column." My office is close enough to the main dining room that I can hear conversations if I really listen, and today I listened.
"Mike tells me that you're an entrepreneur," I heard Kate say.
"Mike's a little behind the curve," Corbett's voice answered. "I'm a VC now."
"You might not want to say that so loudly. There are a lot of Vietnam veterans in this town."
"Not Vietcong, Venture Capitalist. I line up funding for high-tech startups."
"Wow. I thought that all went away with the dot-com crash."
"No, there's still plenty of money to invest in high-tech startups so long as they're doing security slash antiterrorist products slash services."
"Sounds like a lot of slashing."
"Well, we do use words like slash and crash whenever possible. Subliminal memes to keep potential investors and customers uneasy. Nervous people are more open to security pitches. See, security is the new killer app."
"I know I would be so impressed if I knew what you were talking about. I guess it must run in the family. May I tell you about our specials?"
"The VC firm is just one arm of the operation, though. The holding company also includes a number of small product slash service firms. Could you bring me a cup of green tea?"
A little later: "Here is that green tea, sir. Now, would you like to hear about our—"
"Basically, we create companies on the fly, as needed, lean and lithe, ready to move quickly."
"Sort of fly-by-night operations?"
"Not a term we use, but you've got the idea. Virtual companies stamped out of legal boilerplate. Hey, I wanted iced tea."
A little later: "Your iced tea. Sorry about the confusion. Maybe you'd like to hear about our—"
"Could I get some food? I'm starving. Aren't there any daily specials?"
"There are indeed. The chef is grilling a salmon today and that comes with lemon butter and fresh spinach from our organic farm; our quiche features sweet and hot peppers, Roma tomatoes, and Jack cheese; and the soup is a wildcrafted Chanterelle mushroom with bacon and scallions."
"Uh-huh. You know those bomb-sniffing dogs? One of the firms under our umbrella is doing a different spin on that. We're going to replace dogs with electronic noses. Less temperamental and you don't have to feed them. Oh, bring me a BLT."
"Okay, well, we have a chicken, bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich with garlic-cayenne mayonnaise."
"Whatever. Bring me one of those. But hold the chicken. And the garlic. And put it on rye. With the tomato on the side."
A little later: "Your BLT, sir. No chicken, no garlic, on rye with the tomato on the side."
"See, we're going to empower the general public to sniff for bombs by exploiting the advances in wearable technology."
"Like bomb-sniffing pants?"
"You're catching on. Designer flak jackets that smell trouble. We wanted to trademark Safety Shorts, but that's being used for a different kind of product. We've also got a biotech company working on some GM products. Sunscreen that not only blocks UV rays, but makes the epidermis as hard as tempered steel. The product would come with both an SPF rating and a rating on the Mohs hardness scale."
"So you have a company that gets investors to invest in small startups, but the only small startups you offer them are your own companies, which don't really exist except on paper. It's sort of a scam, right?"
"You're pretty sharp. Would you consider coming to work for me in a high-paying position?"
"No, but thanks for asking. Mike's listening in and it never hurts to remind the boss that you have options, even bad ones."
A little later: "Mike says there's no charge today. How was everything? And will there be anything else?"
He stood up, stuffing Sweet-n-Low packets into his pockets. "Yes, just drive the Kubota around to the front for me."
Michael Swaine
editor-at-large
mike@swaine.com