Dr. Dobb's Journal September 1999
Okay, let's review: In May, Nancy and I moved to Grants Pass, Oregon, and opened a restaurant. Summer Jo's, it's called. This is not an advertisement, but you need some sense of the cuisine to appreciate Cindy's apparent obsession. We serve only lunches, made from farm-fresh ingredients. Smoked duck with field greens, walnuts, and raspberries. Lemonade infused with lavender leaves. That kinda stuff. This is not an ad. Really. Okay, so Cindy, one of our top waitpeople, walks in one Saturday morning and says, "We may not get a lot of people today. There's a Spam Festival going on." Uh-uh. She's not kidding. The neighboring town is holding a festival in celebration of potted meat. And her prediction proves accurate: It's a slow day at Summer Jo's. Not moving a whole lotta lavender lemonade today.
Complete the following sentence: If you own a PC, chances are seven to three that you are using software from...
Uh-uh. What's your second guess?
Okay, before you embarrass yourself any further, I'll tell you: It's Phoenix Technologies.
Sure, it's obvious when you know the answer. Phoenix, the BIOS people. Their software runs before Windows launches. Huh? Let's say that again: Their software runs before Windows launches. But that means...
I can just hear somebody at Phoenix saying that one day: "Our software runs before Windows launches. But that means..."
It means that, before Microsoft gets control of it, Phoenix owns the desktop. Imagine realizing one day that you own the desktops of 7 out of 10 PC computer users. Even if only during the boot phase. Now let's see, how could Phoenix exploit that franchise? If you read the computer press, you know the answer.
The next version of the Phoenix BIOS will sell ads. It will even let you access AOL. Right, AOL. Those annoying coasters that AOL has been covering the earth with are morphing into an invited viral intrusion into your computer's boot process.
And it's not just AOL. A number of Internet portals have signed up to advertise during the boot phase, and a number of motherboard manufacturers are lined up to get the new advertising-enhanced BIOS. You're not pleased, you say? You want to know, can I avoid this intrusion of commercialism by installing Linux? No, you can't. How about by using only PCs with Award or some other nonPhoenix BIOS? That works, except not with Award. Phoenix owns Award. Can I opt out? Phoenix says you can, after the first boot. If the BIOS is putting icons on the screen, isn't it also opening a new window (so to speak) for viruses? Oh, probably.
Is there anything I can do to register my displeasure? What, you don't like ads on your desktop? Where were you the past decade while Microsoft was exploiting its franchise on your computer screen? Okay, here's the boycott site: http://www.weslow.net/bytethis/columns/ phoenixbios_petition.htm.
So it's another Saturday, but it's evening now, the restaurant's closed, and we're out on the town in Grants Pass, drinking local microbrew and listening to live music. Cindy's significant other, Patrick, is playing guitar and singing. "That slogan on the refrigerator," Cindy tells us, "Reminds me of this Chinese restaurant where I used to work. People would ask, 'What's the chef having?' and I'd have to tell them, 'Well, he's having Spam.' The guy mixed Spam into his stir-fries. He just loved Spam." What she's talking about, across the front of the refrigerator behind the bar are a lot of slogans. One reads: "I'm pink therefore I'm Spam." Cute.
We all complain about the Spam in our e-mail, but we hardly even noticed the gradual pinking of the PC desktop.
Michael Swaine
editor-at-large
mswaine@swaine.com