Dr. Dobb's Journal November 1998
I was doing some light reading behind the bar when journalists Mo McBean and Larry Wilde came in. "I see you've found mslex," Mo said, climbing onto her favorite bar stool and ordering a gin and tonic. "It's amusing, but also sort of annoying," I said. "I sometimes catch myself using Microspeakisms in ordinary conversation." Larry, British by birth and affectation, requested his usual Chardonnay.
"A good bit of the site's so-called Microspeak is generic technospeak, actually. And the true Microspeakisms are hideously adolescent." He sipped cautiously and then nodded approval to me. Just then the third member of their little clique, Joe Weaver, came in, and they all began talking about recent news.
"What's your takeaway on Mister Bill's testimony?" Larry asked Mo.
She grimaced. "Could be a major CLM."
Joe looked bewildered. "CLM?"
"Career-limiting move," Larry explained. "It might, unless he provides a convincing big R."
"By gar?" Joe asked.
"Big R. Microspeak for a reply to all as opposed to just to the sender," Larry answered.
"I dunno," Mo said. "I went back and reread his earlier testimony."
"And?"
"He may have an out. He's got to get totally granular, but the government did give him a weasel clause in the definition of the act." Larry ran a thoughtful thumb around the rim of his glass. "I've heard that, but I haven't drilled down on it."
"Well, it's posted on the Microsoft web site."
"I think we're having somewhat of a disconnect here. I'm not tracking," Larry said.
"What's the ask? Net it out, Larry."
"Are you referring to the Bill who mentors interns or the Bill who bundles browsers?"
"Billg," she said, pronouncing it bilge. "Did you want to talk about the other Bill?"
"I'm game to talk about any Bill you like, actually," he said, draining his glass and signalling for a refill.
I leaned in. "How about your bar bill, then, Larry?"
Larry smiled at me graciously and turned back to Mo. "What say we context-switch to something trivial?"
"Sure. Let's go with your core competence," Mo replied.
"You guys are sure talking funny," Joe muttered into his cream soda.
But Mo wasn't finished with Microsoft. "Billg claims that Microsoft had the idea for a browser integrated with its oh ess days before Netscape was even founded." She finished her drink and pushed the glass over to me for a fillup. "Does he think we have no memories? Before Netscape was founded, its browser had already created and dominated the market."
"Absolutely," Larry agreed. "It was called Mosaic and it was written by Marc Andreessen and his Illinois cohorts."
"So," Mo said, "Netscape was almost named Mosaic Inc. Does Billg think we've forgotten?"
Larry shrugged. "I've been burning too many cycles," he said, "on this browser war story."
"I've been burning too many cycles in general. Sometimes I wonder why I bother. Real journalism isn't respected. It's hardly practiced. We all eat each others' dog food. Look at Joe: He just recycles other people's stories for airline rags." Joe's ears perked up at the sound of his name, but when he opened his mouth it was to put peanuts in. Larry shook his head. "It's hard to fight the economics of picking the low-hanging fruit," he said.
"Yeah. I keep pitching real stories, like the continuing genocide against native Americans. But it's a fight to get buyoff from management."
"That's a given. Good luck getting bandwidth out of the adminisphere."
"Yeah, well. Let's write eom on that."
"Fine. And along that line, let's not give any bandwidth to Bill's sex life."
"Let's not talk about Clinton at all."
"I meant Gates, actually."
"Oh. Yes, I think the world agrees with you on that."
But Larry couldn't abandon Microsoft topics any more than Mo could. "Microsoft's lawyers said that it would produce 'a carnival atmosphere' if the press were allowed to cover Bill's testimony."
"I think when you've got a roomful of geeks, you've got a carnival atmosphere by definition."
"Ah. Yes. But do you know what I think is absolutely precious?"
"I'll bite."
"That the people who actually speak Microspeak are going to give the world a user interface based on speech recognition."
Plan ahead. You can learn Microspeak at http://cinepad.com/mslex.htm.
--Michael Swaine