The Wall Street Journal has been running a series on Home Workers, people like me who work out of a home office. Or "home/office," as some punctuate it. A home office is a den or bedroom converted to business purposes. A home/office is a home taken over by the paraphernalia of one's work. I have a home/office.
Anyway, the first story in the series didn't paint a very flattering picture of us Home Workers. Many of us are torn by feelings of inadequacy, the Journal reported, working late into the night to overcompensate. Eventually, we start talking to our dogs. It didn't get any better: the second story in the series was headlined, "Home Workers Are a Bunch of Slobs."
The Home-Worker-as-Slob motif also figured in a recent contest sponsored by home Office Computing magazine, which awarded a prize for the messiest home office. Hah. Big joke.
It's not a joke.
It's a lifestyle choice.
Besides, as I told Zelda, my Labrador Retriever, it's not fair to single out us Home Workers. There are plenty of slobs among--to choose an example completely at random--computer magazine editors. I could tell you stories. Or programmers. I've seen some of your offices. Or at least as much of them as is visible under the mounds. What color is your carpet, hmmm?
But as somebody once said, "success is what we make of the mess we have made of things." I'd give you the exact quote, but that would entail finding my book of quotations in this mess.
Deciding to make some success out of mess, I cleaned up part of my home/office. The result: my new basement/library/studio, an immaculate and cozy nook lined with books and furnished with comfy chairs and footstools--and a video camera and microphone. The ideal setting for conducting video interviews.
I call it "Swaine's World."
I haven't actually done a video interview yet, but I imagine it would go something like this:
Cast: Swaine's World! Swaine's World! Runtime! Execute!
Swaine: All right! Parity on, Corbett!
Corbett: Parity on, Swaine!
Swaine: All right. We're going to skip the gratuitous morph and go right to the totally awesome stuff. Our first guest is David Gergen, newly appointed Director of Spin Control for Microsoft System Software Division.
Corbett: He's our only guest, Swaine.
Swaine: Too true, Corb. All right. Give it up for Microsoft, folks, if you haven't already.
Gergen: Thank you. You're too kind. This is too much. Thank you. No, really. You're too kind.
Swaine: Hello-o? Nobody's clapping, Dave. Are you mental?
Corbett: Mr. Gergen, given that OpenDoc, unlike OLE, is an open protocol, is reputedly easier to develop for than OLE, and is a superset of OLE, why should a developer write for OLE?
Gergen: Because OLE is the standard, dorkface.
Corbett: Oh. I'm sorry.
Gergen: I'll let it go this time.
Swaine: So, Dave, have you heard this one? How many Microsoft programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Gergen: Stop right there, Swaine. Microsoft bought all rights to that joke last year. If you tell it on the air you'll owe us $12,000 in royalties.
Swaine: Exsqueeze me? Overflow. Ground fault. Receiver has disconnected. Beeeeeep. That's all the time we have, folks. Don't screw up and miss our next show, when we'll interview user interface designer and former rock musician, Nigel "But this knob goes up to eleven" Tufnel.
Michael Swaine
editor-at-large
Copyright © 1994, Dr. Dobb's Journal