One of the obligations of wisdom is to give advice. My advice this month is, don't keep switching back and forth between the Presidential press conference and that "Star Trek" rerun while eating anchovy pizza unless you want to have dreams like this one.
It's odd, but none of us in the crew seems to remember much about the previous captain; only that he was shot down on his first voyage and that he once threw up on Sulu.
This new captain is certainly making an impression, mostly through words. He loves the sound of his own voice. Whether he's briefing the crew from the bridge or explaining to a female crew member how to get to his quarters, he always works in a lecture on shared sacrifice and his awesome responsibility as captain of the Enterprise. I don't mean to suggest that he's a stuffed shirt, though. This captain is a man of the people, and a man of action, too. I saw him jogging in the corridor again this morning.
Today the captain and the science officer, Mr. Spock, have come down to the engine room to explain the new Federation technology policy. This is the first chance many of us have had to see the two of them together up close, and the contrast is interesting: the sandy-haired captain glad-handing everyone and occasionally breaking out into a passionate speech; and the dark-haired Vulcan, stiff, precise, and entirely devoid of any human emotion. Some of us down here in Dilithium Gulch--that's what we call the engine room--thought that Mr. Spock might be the next captain, but that didn't happen. We liked the idea of a scientifically savvy captain, of course, but there were some who had reservations about his green blood.
Mr. Spock presented the details of the technology policy. Two main features were technology extension centers to bring our high Federation technology to the backwaters of the galaxy, and an information highway to let schools and hospitals benefit from the kind of subspace communication system that we in Star Fleet enjoy.
"Speaking of technology," the captain interrupted, "I want to say something about the Enterprise's technology. When I first took command of the bridge, the nerve center of the Enterprise, I was shocked at the primitive communication system. When a call would come in from Star Fleet Command, Lt. Uhura would have to pick up a plug and put it in a little hole. It was like Johnson's communication system." This was apparently a reference to some 20th-century politician; the captain likes to show off his knowledge of ancient history. "I'm replacing the entire bridge communication system," he went on. "I am responsible for the life of every man and woman on this ship, and I must have state-of-the-art communications."
Mr. Scott stood up. "But captain," he said, "We canna afford a new communication system. The ship's budget canna take it. You know the Federation has a terrible deficit."
"Damn the deficit, Mister. The Romulans had a deficit as big as ours a few years ago, and they embarked on a ten-year mission to bring their budget into balance, and in the process increased investment, lowered unemployment, and increased growth, all at the same time. Are you saying we're not as smart as the Romulans?" Mr. Scott didn't answer.
And now we're off on this four-year mission, boldly going where no man has gone before, as the captain likes to remind us. Wish us luck.
Copyright © 1993, Dr. Dobb's Journal