Welcome to "Doped Junction," the show that dares to ask the dumb questions. Each week, Sadie Pentathol interviews industry leaders in her trademarked abrasive style. Tonight, Sadie abrades IBM President Jack Kuehler and Apple Chief Executive Officer John Sculley regarding certain scurrilous rumors. And now, here's Sadie.
Sadie: Jack Kunstler. You're the president of IBM. Bigger than God. You could have stepped on Apple and crushed it like a bug. Why get into bed with John Sculley?
Kuehler: IBM believes that there are great mutual benefits to be realized from joint ventures in today's business climate. By the way, it's Kuehler.
Sadie: I've read all the news stories about the deal, all about the pink RISC-platformable object-oriented operating systems in enterprise computing environments for preferred clients -- but it's all Greek to me. Let's cut to the chase, Jack. Exactly what did you license from Apple, and why?
Kuehler: It's pretty simple, really. Our sales staff kept hearing that our customers wanted Macs. IBM listens to its customers, so we researched just what features of Macs they liked. That's basically what we've licensed.
Sadie: So now when your customers ask for those features--
Kuehler: We've got 'em.
Sadie: By the Coke-can hairs. John Scuzzy, what did Apple get out of the deal?
Sculley: That's Sculley. Well, Sadie, what we primarily got is acceptance in the corporate world. IBM has said, "Hey, Corporate World -- Apple is OK."
Sadie: But according to Jack Kunstler, their sales force is saying something quite different.
Sculley: Well, that's their job, and they do it well. But the point is the acceptance. Also, we get protection from the Beatles.
Sadie: Beagles?
Sculley: Beatles. British rock group, you remember. Steve and Steve licensed the name Apple from them with the proviso that Apple stay out of the music business. Well, we have a lot of music-related products in the works, and there's this lawsuit now, and the stockholders were making a lot of noise about the company's future being in the hands of Ringo Starr --
Sadie: So what you're saying is that you're going to hide all Apple's music products in your multimedia joint venture, Colitis?
Sculley: We considered giving them to Claris, but we didn't think the judge would fall for that.
Sadie: Long term. Beyond the '90s. The next millennium. What's the picture, Jack Cruller?
Kuehler: In the long term, IBM is going to sell off its hardware and software and focus on service and support.
Sadie: Really? Wow.
Kuehler: Ross Perot begged IBM to go into DP services when he worked for us back in '62. I just got his memo last week. Bureaucracy, you know. Service and support is the fastest growing sector of the industry, the margins are better than hardware, and frankly, we're tired of parasite companies making money off IBM's shortcomings.
Sadie: So you're going to make money off IBM's shortcomings. Who are you going to sell off your hardware and software products to?
Kuehler: The third world: Southeast Asia, Latin America, England. Software will follow hardware and semiconductors offshore in a few years. But service and support will stay domestic, because while Americans will buy any amount of foreign products, they will never learn to understand people with accents.
Sadie: What's the big challenge in the short term -- John Shirley?
Sculley: That's Scuzzy. I can only speak for Apple, and for us, the big challenge in the next few years will be to continue to sell Macintoshes until the new machines come out, now that we've effectively said that the Mac is obsolete.
Sadie: Can Apple pull it off, John?
Sculley: Frankly, Sadie, our research tells us that Apple customers are fanatically loyal to obsolete hardware. The Apple II line is apparently unkillable. So we're not worried.
Sadie: Where does all of this leave OS/2, Jack Cooler?
Kuehler: We will continue to fully support OS/2 for the forseeable future.
Sculley: Just like we will continue to support TrueType.
Kuehler: Oh, thanks a lot, John.
That's it for this week. Tune in next week, when Sadie will interview Bill Gates and Philippe Kahn regarding allegations of a Microsoft-Borland merger.
Copyright © 1991, Dr. Dobb's Journal