Somebody let Stan off the plane in New Orleans, ostensibly to cover a Unix conference. Here is his report, complete with a bit of (ahem) cultural commentary.
I’m freshly back from the 14th USENIX Systems Administration Conference (LISA 2000) wearing yet another red-badge of conferential courage on my Basque beret. My new znatchtki says SAGE, which modestly reflects my old-fart “knowing” status in the Unix “community” [1].
In fact, the acronym SAGE (System Administrators Guild) should, in my case-use, be known as SAG, indicating how soon we lag behind the “cutting edge.”
LISA 2000 had the mixed blessing of being held in New Orleans, LA. Occasionally distracted by (i) pronouncing it Noo’awleens, (ii) checking the claim that Pat O’Briens is the world’s largest pub [2], (iii) socio-musico-linguistic explorations of the Cajun/Zydeko experience, and (4) packed sessions at Preservation Hall where Jelly-Roll’s “jass” started — nevertheless, I managed to visit the www.sarcheck.com booth — and have the daft propeller hat to convince the IRS.
The main Lisa 2000 agendum/agenda was/were the agony/agonies of network monitoring and security.
You can read all about it in the published USENIX/SAGE proceedings (browse www.usenix.org).
My favorite offbeat paper from Tufts University is “Peep (The Network Auralizer): Monitoring Your Network With Sound,” Michael Gilfix/Alva Couch (check http://www.eecs.tufts.edu/peep/). The sublime notion is that while things go good, the “auralized” SysAdmin hears gentle, non-distracting “green” background sounds — bird-love songs and friendly frogs burping from Waldon pond. As soon as an anomaly is detected (some cracker has grabbed root), you are alerted by an appropriate MP3 burst of Fats Waller’s “Hate You, ’Cos Yer Feet’s Too Big.”
Next Column: What do language designers do when their languages are ISO-signed-and-sealed?
Notes
[1] Not quite the “Balkan community,” but getting close with conflicting Linux IPOs.
[2] They serve a secret formula called “Swampwater.” My guess is 50 percent Coors, 50 percent alligator piss.
Stan Kelly-Bootle has been computing on and off since 1953 when he graduated from Cambridge University in Pure Mathematics and hacked on EDSAC I (the first true stored-program computer). He is a contributing editor for Linux Journal and a Jolt Judge for Software Development Magazine. With the demise of UNIX Review/Performance Computing, his 16-year-old Devil’s Advocate column has moved online to www.sarcheck.com. His many books include 680x0 Programming by Example, Mastering Turbo C, Lern Yerself Scouse, The Devil’s DP Dictionary, The Computer Contradictory, and Unix Complete. Under his nom-de-folk, Stan Kelly, his songs have been recorded by Cilla Black, Judy Collins, the Dubliners, and himself. Stan welcomes email via skb@atmail.net and his website http://www.feniks.com/skb/. Stan’s ramblings can also be found at www.unixreview.com.